Theres a good reason you can make tints but not shades with a single spot color. The sliders in your color all represent a different ink, and a Pantone color is printed with a single ink, hence the single slider. A printer can achieve printed tints with a single ink by essentially printing differently spaced dots, like so (bottom swatches are how you see them in InDesign or Illustrator, top swatches are how they are printed):
Now you obviously can't print shades with the same technique and a single ink (unless you're printing on a black base), so the only option is to add another ink.
This is roughly the result you want printed:
Now that looks exactly like a printed tint over a black base, but if you layer a tinted color over a black base in InDesign or Illustrator you will only see the tint.
A quick way to preview your shades is to overlay black and use blending modes. These shades are made by overlaying "tints" of black set to "Multiply" over the solid Pantone:
The problem is printers don't generally like transparency and blending modes with Pantones.
What you should do is overlay solid blacks in the same way but instead of using blending modes set the blacks to overprint in the attributes panel and turn on overprint preview (View → Overprint Preview):
Using increasing amounts of black set to overprint, you get shades like so:
Illustrator's Appearance Panel
A quick tip to achieve your overprinted black in Illustrator is to use the Appearance panel and add an additional black fill to the same object, so theres no need for layering multiple objects. You can then set the black fill to overprint by selecting it in the Appearance panel and checking "Overprint Fill" in the Attributes panel exactly as you would for a single object.
InDesign Mixed Ink Swatches
Mixed ink swatches in InDesign can also be used to create shades by mixing your spot color with a process black.
You can create a series of shades by selecting "New Mixed Ink Group..." from the swatches panel menu and selecting your spot color and Process Black. Set your spot color to 100 and your black to whatever increment you want to increase your shades in:
You then have predefined shades as individual swatches you can use in your document:
The most important thing is, as always, to talk to your printer and see what they suggest and how they want you to supply your artwork and get printed samples first.